How to get rid of the Professional Moocher

It’s happened once or twice to most people, more to some. I happen to be the ‘some‘. I have opened my doors to many people who are in need, offered my couch, my kitchen as well as laundry services and shower privileges. Most of those who have stayed within my home do so just for a short time a month or so then moving on.

There has been the occasional Professional Moocher who has passed through my doors with whom I’ve had to give the boot.

Let me explain the difference:

The average Joe/Jane comes into your home with no where else to go with the intentions of staying there long enough to get on their feet. They may or may not help out around the house, sharing chores. Each person is different. You may have set the rules very quickly even before they have brought in their Walmart bag of clothes.

Unless you ‘rule with an iron hand‘, your rules will quickly go out the window leaving you holding the bag of dirty laundry. I am not an iron hand ruler, I never have been, never will be. My thought is if you see something that needs to be done, do it. Don’t ask me what I want you to do, just do it.

I am the perfect house guest. If I stay at your home I cook, clean, watch your kids, do your laundry and give you money to help out with the bills and mind my own business, giving you privacy. I expect that others should do the same. It is rarely so, if it were people all over the world would be clamoring for guests in their home.

The Professional Moocher is one who comes in your home and has no intention of ever leaving. Making themselves at home right away. When you set the rules they half heartedly follow them. Rarely is money even exchanged, the mess that is left behind is beyond anything that you can imagine. When you try to talk to them, they come up with excuse after excuse as to why they haven’t left yet.

The laws vary from state to state, in the state that I live in, if you allow them to walk through the door with a bag of clothing, they can stay until you evict them in a court of law. If they have mail coming to your address they have established residence, and they have just as much right to live there as you do.

Thankfully I have never had to invoke the eviction process to rid myself of the moocher. Maybe I have shown my horns enough to cause them to think twice about causing me to do such a thing.

Over the years each guest has gotten worse, it could be a sign of the times, the ages of the guests possibly the way they are treated that keeps them staying. My name, Sweetsusieg should explain volumes, I'm just too sweet.

Guest #1 - She came to me with no where else to go, she did have a job but it didn’t pay well enough to get her own place. I offered her my couch and meals in exchange for $25 per week, I received 1 payment from her. Things were fine for a while, then her laundry got in my way. Dirty under things were all over my bathroom floor, she slept in her undies as well and most of the time was uncovered. My boys and husband enjoyed the view, I did not. I felt as though I was her maid. To decide if she was going to eat with us she would call and ask what I was making for dinner. If it didn’t meet with her approval she ate elsewhere. As soon as she got a decent boyfriend she could live with she left.

Guest #2 - He had been living in abandoned houses, but did have a job.  He just needed a place to stay.  I gave him his own room.  In exchange for room and board he was to give me $50 per week, I never received a dime from him.  He did cook from time to time.  He showed me how to fish properly, with a Yo-Yo.   He cleaned up his own messes, except the dirty ring around the tub.  His room was kept fairly clean and he did his own laundry.  He was a decent house guest, just never paid his rent.

Guest #3 - She came to my home with her 3 children and dog.  Her husband was a crack addict and he had fallen off the wagon.  She had a job as well.  She wasn’t exactly the cleanest person around, in fact she was worse than a slob.  He dog pooped all over her clothes and she didn’t bother to clean it up.  The agreement was that she was to pay me $75.00 per week, for food.  I would cook and prepare meals for her children as well as mine.  With 7 kids and 3 adults in the house I had to quickly become organized.

She stayed with me for 2 weeks, when she left, all of her things were left in the bedroom for 8 weeks.  Finally I could take it no more and let her know if she didn’t come and get  her stuff it would be thrown out.  We bagged it up and put it outside, dog poop and all.  Eventually she came and got her stuff.

Guest #4 - He was the longest ‘hanger onner’. He was homeless and had only porches to sleep on. I needed some work done in my yard so I agreed to let him stay in exchange for gardening. He worked in my garden 1 day. He never complained about the food that was prepared. Ate everything in site, including leftovers. Occasionally he did the dishes or vacuumed. At first he slept in a tent in my yard. The tent was my sons, it was used with the understanding that if it was damaged it would be replaced.

This never happened, the tent was ruined. Now it is up to me to replace it. My daughter ended up falling in love with this young man. He eventually moved into the house when the weather got bad. The understanding was that if I caught them ‘doing the nasty’ he would have to leave immediately. I never caught them.

After about 6 months of him doing nothing with his life I gave him the boot. My daughter went with him. They lived in and out of doorways and on others couches. Eventually, after having the comforts for years my daughter came back home. He did not.

Things went smoothly for a while. She talked to him on the phone and visited from time to time. My daughter asked if he could come for a visit, and like an idiot I agreed. He ended up staying for another 6 months. This time my daughter ended up pregnant. He did get a job, as did my daughter. He never paid me any rent and did not feel that I even deserved gas money for toting him back and forth to work. He felt because he was eating at work that he wasn’t taking anything from the house. My daughter still has her job.

From time to time he has gotten the boot for doing stupid things such as drinking and getting violent. Always to return, for just a short time then end up not leaving. Staying for months on end.

Drinking and being violent is not tolerated at any time in my home. The very last time he was allowed to stay in my home he did a super no-no and I had to exert my authority. He is no longer allowed to stay here. He feels that I am being mean and not helping him. I’ve tried explaining to him that I am NOT his mother and am not his keeper. He is an adult and needs to take care of himself.

Since I have known him he has had 3 jobs and each one not lasting more than 4 weeks. He has lived at numerous people’s homes each one ending with him being booted because of his behavior. He usually chooses elderly people to live with because they are kind and less likely to kick him out so soon, and it is free for him. He doesn’t do his part to help out, he doesn’t follow the rules. He does what he wants, when he wants then claims to not understand when he gets kicked out. Why my daughter stays with him is beyond me, but that is her business.

One of the best tips that I can give when deciding to let someone live with you is ask yourself “Why can’t they live with family”? If they give numerous reasons it may be because they have burned all their bridges of family and are now working on the general public. Sob stories are a dime a dozen, think long and hard before letting yourself be used by a Professional Moocher.

So what do you do when you get that one person who finds the accommodations just perfect to their liking?  How do you remove them if asking them to leave doesn’t work?

1. Make life absolutely miserable for them. 

2. Forbid such things as showers, you may find they are sneaking them when you are sleeping though.  Water is costly, particularly hot water.

3.  Limit your food purchases.  If there is no food in the home they will have to go elsewhere to find it.  Make sure there is no alcohol in your home, if the person staying in your home drinks, they WILL find it.

4.  Remove fun things such as TV or at the very least cable or Dish.  Remove DVD players and games from your TV.  If they have nothing to do they might go out for a walk during the day.

5.  Set passwords on your computer that only you know.  If you don’t do this they will get up in the middle of the night and down load all sort of nasties on your computer.

6.  Disconnect your washing machine.  If you have to go out to do your laundry, it may seem costly at first, but in the long run if they have no clean clothes they may leave.

7.  Remove ALL soaps, shampoos, toothpaste and deodorant from your bathroom area.  If they have nothing to use they may find a way to get their own.

8.  Unplug your telephone and take it with you when you go.  They will at the very least have to walk to the nearest store to use the phone.

9.  If you have small children (pets work well here too), let them get into your guests things and make the most noise possible.  Noisy and destructive children can even try the patience of the worst moochers.

10.  If all else fails get your largest son (a friend or neighbor works too) to come over and physically remove them.  Forget packing, tell them they will have their stuff delivered to the nearest homeless shelter or card board box if necessary. 

You cannot be nice to the Professional Moocher, they will abuse your hospitality and generosity.  It will continue until you have either lost your mind, pulled your hair out or have moved yourself.  They have made it their life’s work to put out as little as possible to get as much in return as they can.   You may have been the first they’ve tried it on, but you will not be the last.