Where is the Love - Created by Travis and Sweetsusieg

A young man came to me with this wonderful idea, since it is so close to Valentine’s Day he thought it might be appropriate. He is trying to understand the meaning of Love. Other than his Mother and Grand mother I am one the oldest woman he knows. In this I find that very flattering since he believes that I have gained wisdom over the years. This is the second part to this Hub you will find the first part here. Please read that first, so you will get a better understanding of what this is about.

Where is the Love Part 1 - By Travis and sweetsusieg

Thank you Travis for that kind introduction, I hope that I am able to live up to your expectations on this subject!  I’ll start out with what it is that I feel you are observing, then go on to what I feel true love is.

In response to your comment, it is quite possible that the word Love is tossed around without care of it’s direction or where it will land.  On the other hand, the young people of today are looking for Love, and in the process will traverse many roads before arriving at that ‘sweet spot’.

As a young woman I fell in and out of love frequently, later in life I realized that it wasn’t Love I was feeling it was more likely lust.  To me that is what the young people of today are feeling.  They aren’t giving it time to develop into true love, they expect for that feeling of lust to last.  When lust begins to wane and reality slaps them hard in the face, they give up the relationship and go on to the next. 

Lust seems to lead to sex, and in the process of sex, there are children that happen. This has a tendency to keep the couples together longer than if there were no children involved. In today’s society it is encouraged to ‘live together’ without the benefit of marriage. Why? It is said because it is easier to walk away without that little slip of paper. This may be true, when there is benefit of vows involved some people take the relationship a little more seriously and may work a little harder on the relationship.

Marriage has become devalued over time. Things have certainly changed from what has been written about in History. Even in my life time, the changes have occurred from what they used to be. When people reached a certain age they were expected to marry then go on to have a family. Now it’s have the family and if we get along for a few years, we’ll get married. Good, long lasting marriages were built over time. The deep true love happened after the marriage, not before.

Your young friend that you spoke of, seems to be in the throes of lust and obsession, with a combination of lack of self esteem to add to it. Where do I get that from in the comments you made? The idea that she continues to see him with just the few things that she said about him.

1. Lazy - This to means that he has no job, or leaves her to do everything. Her lust for him would keep her tied to him with this alone, but on a temporary basis.

2. Rude - This means he makes comments to her or others that are inappropriate most of the time. Her obsession of him will excuse even the worst of his behaviors, so she continues to tolerate his lack of consideration for her.

3. Self-Centered - This means that he thinks only of himself and rarely her, he might be a true Narcissist. Her lack of self esteem keeps her tied to him, because she feels that she is unworthy of being loved by anyone else. She may secretly admire his self confidence and may possibly hope it rubs off on her.

If there are children involved in this relationship it could last a little longer than normal. One or the other of them may have created a child with the sole purpose of keeping the other connected. Eventually, over time one or the other will break away on search of a new love. Relationships like this rarely last, generally it’s the one who has to do all the work in the relationship that comes to the realization that it’s ‘just not worth’ the effort.

To me ’True Love’ can only happen with time. It has to develop over years. There is no hard and fast rule for love, but there are a few things that needs to ’be’ in any relationship if it is going to last. Tolerance, Respect, affection and a general liking of the individual as a person.

One has to be able to tolerate the differences that each individual has and overcome any animosity that occurs because of it. Leaving the cap off the toothpaste or the toilet seat up should not be cause for great arguments.

Respecting the other person, that they may have a different opinion or different way of thinking.

Beyond looks, comes a general affection for the person.

Just liking them as an individual is also important. You must like who they are on the inside as well as the outside. Maybe it’s their ideals that attracted you to them originally, whatever it is, they should be your best friend. The one who you go to, with all of life’s difficulties.

True Love has to be worked at. It will not happen overnight. Fighting will occur between two people, it’s the way the fights are worked out that will determine if a relationship will last.

Name calling should never be allowed between couples. Calling someone a name is not only hurtful, but can cause bitterness and resentment. It will cause the ’making up’ more difficult because that will always be in the back of the mind of the one on the receiving end. Setting good ‘rules of fighting’ at the beginning of a relationship and each person sticking to their end of the agreement, will help determine if a relationship is going to last.

True Love is something that grows and matures over time.  Both parties have to grow and learn.   They learn what makes each other tick, what makes them happy and what makes them sad.  In the process try to encourage them to grow into the person who they will eventually become.

When you witness that 70+ year old couple sitting together at a table having dinner or just holding hands as they walk, here is what you are witnessing.  Many years of tolerating each others behavior and overcoming things they didn’t like.  One trying to change themselves in order to make the other happy.  The other one accepting that behavior and trying to change the way they think on it.  Both of them growing individually without leaving the other behind.  Most importantly each giving the other a hand and being there for them when they needed it the most.

True love comes in many forms here are just a few examples of my idea of True Love:

Bringing you that bowl of Chicken noodle soup whether it be from a can or homemade, when you are under the weather.  They don’t feel much better either but it was their desire to see you up and well that prompted it.

Holding your hand when walking across an icy patch.  Yes it might be fun too see you slip and fall, but the after effects aren’t funny.  They truly don’t want to see you hurt.

Doing your dishes after a big family get together.  Your partner knows you are tired from all the cooking and any help they can give is just a sign of their affection.

Coming home after a hard days work and helping you get the kids ready for bed, because they can see the look of stress on your face.

Standing out in the cold handing your loved one tools while they fix the broken car.  Then making a pot of coffee or cup of hot cocoa to warm them up because they laid on the ground and took a chill.

Holding you close and letting you cry when you’ve lost a family member, pet or something you care about.

Not being mad at you when you accidentally wrecked the car.  Being more concerned that you weren’t hurt.

Rushing home from work when you had to go to the hospital and sitting next to you, even though they really hate hospitals.

Making their favorite dinner in the middle of the week ‘just because’.

They laugh when you burned their favorite dinner, scraping off the charred part and eating it anyway.

Forgiving the other one when they have hurt you without meaning to.

These to me are just a few things that speak of true love, and can only come over time. Consideration for the other person combined with respect, admiration, affection and friendship can only build what will eventually become ‘True Love’.

Personally, I am still developing True Love. Maybe in another 30 years you will see me holding on to the arm of my one True Love and you will know, in part, what has made it last between the two of us.